Traps that Losses Create

Introduction:

Have you ever noticed that when you are losing, it seems like everything hurts? When we are not winning in our personal or professional lives, it can feel like we are failing in everything. Loss doesn’t always mean losing something tangible or even someone—it can also be the setbacks we wish had never happened. How we respond to these moments shapes our ability to grow and move forward.

In my first blog on John Maxwell’s book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, I discussed how he provides a roadmap for learning from our losses, changing our perspective on setbacks, and embracing growth. If you haven’t read it yet, you can find it here.

In today’s blog, I want to dive into a powerful concept from Maxwell’s book: the traps that losses create and how they can keep us stuck if we are not aware of them.

The Traps That Losses Create

Losses often make us feel mentally defeated, triggering thoughts that we are not just failing but that we are failures. As Brené Brown highlights, there is a key difference between guilt and shame: guilt is when we recognize we made a mistake, but shame convinces us that we are the mistake. This kind of mindset can hold us back from learning and growing.

John Maxwell identifies several traps that losses create, making it harder for us to move forward:

• The Mistake Trap – We experience failure and become afraid to try again.

• The Fatigue Trap – Losses wear us out, leaving us feeling too exhausted to push forward.

• The Comparison Trap – We assume that others are better qualified than we are.

• The Timing Trap – We convince ourselves that it’s just not the right time.

• The Inspiration Trap – We wait for motivation instead of taking action.

• The Rationalization Trap – We make excuses, such as “It wasn’t really that important.”

• The Perfection Trap – We believe we must do things perfectly or not at all.

• The Expectation Trap – We expect setbacks to be painful and slow, discouraging us from trying.

• The Fairness Trap – We question, “Why me?” instead of focusing on solutions.

A Personal Lesson in Overcoming Traps

One of my most important life lessons came nearly 20 years ago during a mission trip to Mozambique. I brought my 650cc motorbike for the journey, confident in my riding skills. The first stretch of the trip went well—until we hit deep sand. I had never ridden in sand before, and I crashed over and over again.

After a day of struggling, my friend, an experienced off-road rider, gave me three simple yet profound pieces of advice:

1. Stand up – This improves balance and confidence.

2. Look up – Focusing ahead helps you navigate obstacles instead of being fixated on them.

3. Speed up – Momentum helps push through challenges instead of getting stuck.

This lesson stuck with me, not just for riding but for life. When faced with setbacks, instead of shrinking back in fear, I remind myself to stand up, look up, and speed up.

Conclusion:

Losses can pull us into traps that leave us feeling stuck, but awareness is the first step to overcoming them. By recognizing these traps and shifting our mindset, we can reframe setbacks as opportunities to grow and learn. What traps have you encountered in your own journey? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.